garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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