phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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