Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just fell off a train. Bad.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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