Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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