I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
