Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
