is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Found your dick twin last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize