Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
