For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize