I wannas sexs uuuuu
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
barbara walters just said penis...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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