If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
