I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
