Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
