in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Less talking, more tequila
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
