So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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