i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
