Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
