I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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