Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
