Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
