ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
