If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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