id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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