I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
