dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
