yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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