I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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