It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
