You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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