He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
