I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
