: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need water and some morals
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
