my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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