So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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