you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So many bounce houses so little time
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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