But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
