I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize