do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize