so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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