before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize