I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
