3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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