wakey wakey hands off snakey
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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