Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
