I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
