I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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