Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
