are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
