if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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