I puked a lego.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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