Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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