did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
okay pat passed out under dana's car
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
