I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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