She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
