Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
