When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
