TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize