he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
