i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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