Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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