Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize