turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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