spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize