Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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