Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
