She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
