so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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