just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
