YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
