Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
