i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
