Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
