we made out on top of his cat.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
