oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
