I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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