OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
