I am spending my child support on dildos
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
