My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize