There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
