I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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