i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
