trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
