Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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