new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
