I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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