Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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