Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
