I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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