I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
