After last night, I could never be a politician.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize