I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
