I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
