I'm really into asian looking animals
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Mom said you looked used
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
