I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
