you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
