there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
