i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
