i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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