i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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