im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
