I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
