the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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