running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
