I showed him my bush... on skype.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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