my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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