I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
