Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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