Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This baby is an asshole
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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