just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She's the barista slut.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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