I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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