Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
